No Reason
by A.Boleyn
Summary: D/L. 419 post-ep. "The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing."


**Disclaimer:** Characters are not owned by me and I'm not in this for money.

**Note:** Several weeks ago I was determined to give up the fandom, but I should have known I couldn't quit my DL habit. Everyone has their own theories and opinions of what's happened between our beloved characters... This is just my 'comfort food' way of working it out.

* * *

**No Reason**

"_The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing." –Blaise Pascal_

He didn't know how long he had been staring out the window when he heard the knock. The sound was jarring, rudely yanking him from a state of deep reflection. He was finding peace, finally. Staring out at the rain, listening to its steady rhythm, seemed to cleanse his spirit, washing away months of frustration and pain and anger. It was an end and also a beginning, because he had a new battle to fight – to win back the one person who meant more to him than anything else, even when he hadn't realized it. The rain brought him a peaceful release, and a newfound determination. He wondered if that's what her Montana "rain walks" did for her. Was it the same in the city? Images of her strolling along a mountain pass, then through a wheat field, popped into his mind. Guilt, an emotion that followed him like a shadow, plagued him now as he thought of her out there right now, all alone. She should have been his first priority, but he had taken her for granted.

_Knock, knock_.

In his heart, as he approached the door, he had hope – hope beyond hope. He ached to see her, yearned to touch her. She had never really turned down his offer to come over. Despite describing him as "hard to love", she hadn't said "_un_lovable". She hadn't said it wasn't worth another try. Whatever it took to salvage and rebuild their relationship, he would do it – groveling, begging, anything. His pride had no place in this matter. The simple fact was that he couldn't picture his life without Lindsay in it.

So when he saw her standing there, smiling shyly, with stringy hair and dripping clothes, he inhaled sharply. With relief. With pleasure. He had never seen a more beautiful site.

--

She hadn't known what to expect when she lifted her fist to rap on his door. It had been a long walk, with no taxi or subway, and she was so cold and wet that nothing mattered but the warmth of his place. The shelter of his arms. Those thoughts were the siren song, pulling her to his apartment with a magnet force.

The phone conversation had left her both touched and confused. She had wanted to believe the things he said. Desperately. It would be so easy to give in to her feelings and accept him back into her life. If she stayed strong and resisted him, what might she miss out on? But doubts still fogged up her mind.

Her gut lead her here, yet her hand trembled as she knocked.

"Hey," she whispered when he opened the door.

"Hey." A single word, carrying so much emotion in one syllable. He seemed surprised, but pleased.

"Get in here, you're soaked." He reached out to touch her, then hesitated, looking at her for permission before making contact. The rumpled hair and tank top coupled with the intensity of his frame-free eyes made her knees quake. She felt her legs beginning to buckle under her, and as she fell, she thought, _It's your turn to catch me_.

--

He caught her with amazing swiftness, then carried her to the sofa where he gently set her down, helping her out of her drenched coat.

"It's dark in here," she remarked as she kicked off her boots.

"I was just sitting here, doing some thinking," he shrugged. "I can turn on some lights." He reached for the lamp, but was intercepted by her hand.

"No, I like it this way."

When her hand brushed his arm, he noticed she was covered in goose bumps. "Hold on," he instructed. From the closet he grabbed several towels, then returned to her side where he gently rubbed her skin and hair dry. It was the most physical contact he had had with her in far too long, and despite its innocence he felt aroused. Her eyes were closed as he blotted her face, swiping strands of hair back behind her ear.

"You know, we should get you out of these clothes before you catch pneumonia," he pointed out, feeling suddenly awkward.

"No one's ever used that line on me before," she joked with a weak smile.

He chuckled – at least she was trying. Taking her cold hand in his, he lead her to his bathroom and tossed her a spare bath robe. He felt the urge – the need – to take care of her. "Hand me your clothes through the door, I'll go put them in the dryer."

Crossing his arms, he waited for her to change. Hearing the rustle of fabric falling from her body was a kind of torture he figured he probably deserved. She cracked the door just wide enough to pass her shirt, then pants, to him. Through the slit he could see her bare back reflected in the mirror, and he swallowed hard. Gathering the damp clothes, he made a dash for the laundry room. The trip down the steps was a blur, he just wanted to return to her quickly. Part of him feared she would be gone, even though she was only wearing a robe. It occurred to him that she couldn't leave until her clothes were dry, so he set the dryer timer for just ten minutes – later he could blame it on a mechanical malfunction. This was the chance he had been waiting for, to talk to her privately. He needed time.

When he slipped back into his apartment, she was curled up on the sofa, shivering. Without a word, he slid in behind her, pulling her back against his chest and wrapping his arms around her. Holding her again took his breath away. It was for his own comfort as much as it was for hers.

--

She reveled in the warmth and coziness of his thick, navy blue bath robe. It smelled like him, surrounding her with comfort, serving her the way he had not in a long time. She didn't look up when he came in, and was taken by total surprise when he cuddled up behind her.

"Hope about some coffee to warm you up?" he offered, rubbing her arms briskly.

The idea of a hot drink was appealing, but she shook her head. "Not if it means you getting up." She was too comfortable here, had waited too long for this. God, it felt so good just to touch him, to feel his skin against hers. It was so normal, so natural. Did this make her weak, she wondered?

He chuckled. "I'm not going anywhere."

From the back of the sofa she tugged down a brown blanket, using it to cover her bare legs. The familiar nubby material suddenly made her smile - it was the same one she had found herself covered with on top of the pool table, nearly a year ago. "Do you remember that morning?" she asked. "The first time we…".

"Of course I do."

"It was the happiest I'd ever been."

At first he didn't respond, only squeezed her tighter. Then he murmured, "I'm glad you came over after all." Tonight his voice was so tender, it warmed her more than any garment could.

She tilted her head to look at up him. His hair was too long, she thought. But she liked it. Almost reached up to run her fingers through it. Resisted. "I don't know why I did come," she sighed, tensing a little.

He stroked her chin, avoiding the challenge she posed, the gentle touch making her melt all over again. "I'm so sorry," he said. "For all of it."

She shook her head. It wasn't going to be that simple. "Well, you wanted to talk? Let's talk."

--

Danny sighed. He was enjoying the quiet physical contact, but he knew this opportunity to talk couldn't slip by.

Lindsay spoke first, however. "Do you remember when we first met?"

An edge remained in her voice, but he couldn't help smiling as he reminisced. The moment he first laid eyes on her, he felt something inexplicable and powerful. "Sure. The zoo."

"When I met you that day, I thought you were an arrogant punk. But I couldn't get you out of my head, even after I left the lab. Since day one you've been stuck in my head. And that's why it's so hard to know what to do now. All these memories flood my mind: the zoo, the time you grabbed my hand in the middle of the street, the night at Cozy's, when you held me after I had a gun pointed to my head." She paused, her voice cracking at this most poignant memory: "The courtroom in Montana."

Danny buried his head in her shoulder in response. The decision to make that cross-country trek to be at her side was the best of his life. So how did it all go so wrong? _Thanks to me_, he realized. _I messed up_. Knowing he was causing her all this pain just killed him.

"What were you thinking that day, when you just up and flew to Montana?" she pressed. "You never really told me."

"I wasn't thinking. Well, all I was thinking of was you. It was a leap of faith." That was the honest truth. He remembered feeling nothing but a need to get to her, to stay by her side and protect her. All logic had left him, there had been nothing but concern for her, even if he wasn't quite sure how she would receive him.

Lindsay continued, her voice trembling. "All of those moments, I just can't let them go. And now I'm so lost – I can't eat, I can't sleep, I want to cry at random moments when something reminds me of you. Danny, you _are_ New York to me. I don't know how to be here without you in my life."

Shame flooded his face. He was humbled as he listened to her speak, and now he had to try to explain himself somehow. "I was too focused on my own pain to realize I was hurting you. And for the rest of my life, I'll try to make it up to you." He cleared his throat, emotions choking him. "Tell me what I can do to fix this."

--

Lindsay wondered how she could feel so mad, so frustrated, and so deeply in love – all at the same time? Her heart and sense of reason waged war on a battlefield in her mind. They had come so far, she couldn't just let it slip through her fingers. She twisted out of his arms, sitting up so she could face him.

"Not fix," she responded firmly. "It's too late for that. We need a fresh start."

"Anything. It's on your terms. Tell me what I can do."

"There are some things I need to understand. You need to open your heart to me. I need to know how you feel about me, because I'm just not sure."

He closed his eyes, as if searching for the words. She knew that talking about his feelings was hard for him, but she needed this. Demanded it.

Finally he spoke. "The way I feel about you… it scares me, Lindsay. I've never felt like this before. I can't even describe it. You have my whole heart."

She shook her head. "It doesn't make sense, Danny, why would you cut me off if you really felt that way? It hurts me that you saw my darkest moments, but you don't trust me with yours."

He drummed his fingers on the back of the sofa nervously. "Because all along I've been scared to death of losing you. When I get close to people, I lose them. Maybe I thought that if I pushed you away first, you couldn't see the kind of person I really am."

Her eyes widened. "The kind of person you really are? I'll tell you the kind of person you are." She pointed a finger to his chest. "You, Messer, are cocky and stubborn and hot-headed. But you are also intuitive, sensitive, incredibly smart, just a little geeky, and the most big-hearted person I've ever met."

He was momentarily stunned into silence, and she leaned against him, happy to be surrounded by his arms again. "On the phone tonight you said you missed me. What do you miss, exactly?"

"I miss just sitting around like this. I miss being able to laugh over silly stuff. I miss having fun at work with you. I miss breakfasts at the diner at 3am after shift. I told you, I don't know how to put words to how much I miss you."

"I miss all that, too." Considering all that had been said, Lindsay recalled how he had described his trip to Montana: _a leap of faith_. Maybe this was what she needed to do, too. "Danny, I need you to tell me something… do you want to give this another go?" she asked, holding her breath as she waited for an answer.

There was no hesitation in his response, nothing but sincerity in his gaze. "Yes. Do you?"

"More than anything. Yes." Cautious, however, she held up a finger. "If we do this… this is serious. We're in it for the long run, the ups and downs. You need to take me out on dates. Real dinner. No bugs." They laughed, but after a pause, she added, "No more pushing me away, or locking me out of your heart."

Fervently, he shook his head. "Listen, I do stupid things on a daily basis. I can't promise to never piss you off. But I won't ever do _this_ again." He stared at her, moving his face closer until she looked him directly in the eye. "I mean that."

What she felt coursing through her was belief. She believed him.

--

They had settled into silence for awhile, mentally exhausted from the discussion of the night. As Danny attempted to stretch his stiffening muscles, he noticed it was after one o' clock.

"We should go to bed," he told her softly. "We'll sleep better there."

When she didn't argue, or even speak - just nodded her head drowsily - he scooped her up in his arms again and carried her to his bed. He placed a kiss to her forehead as he set her down, not daring to go any further. While he wanted nothing more than to lay her down and show her his feelings in the most physical way, now was not the time. Not yet. He had been given a second chance and wouldn't risk ruining it. Instead, he walked to the other side of the bed and slid under the covers, inches away.

Then she looked over at him. "Do you hear that?" she whispered.

He listened, straining his ears. "I don't hear anything."

"Exactly. The rain stopped."

He smiled, crossing the distance to nestle against her after all. Their bodies molded together as they surrendered to sleep. Tomorrow, the clouds would clear and the sun would rise. It would be a new start.


End file.
